My poor dog Winston has many a time been the victim of an aggressive pack of uptown Chihuahua street-fighters. The poor guy was not so blessed geo-politically; his kind hail from Switzerland and for the most part he demonstrates his neutrality to a fault. The other morning as I was walking with the boys at the off leash park, Winston was attacked by a small to medium sized dog. I never thought I would say this given the maintenance and cost involved with grooming our dogs, but it is fortunate that Winston is 72% fur, as it was his fur that protected him from the rabid little bastard that was desperately trying to penetrate his skin with his scrappy little teeth. I found myself in the middle of a Michael Vik-like scenario (only in the sense that it was a dog fight, I was in no way responsible for arranging the match, nor did I profit from it in any way), while the beast’s owner non-chalantly pushed her stroller like nothing was happening. Finally Winston pinned him down with one of his gigantic paws – it was then that the owner rushed over… now she is concerned? I also thought, I hope to God the little terrorist isn’t dead underneath Winston. I can tell you one thing, he wouldn’t be walking the green mile for this one, that’s for sure.

As I pulled Winston off of the dog, he was very much alive and still trying to bite Winston’s neck. The owner exclaimed: “He has never done this before…” I looked at her in disbelief, with my coffee all over my buttoned down shirt, and in my hair for that matter, and exclaimed, “bulls*t.”

…ok, I didn’t actually say that, I actually replied with “I think he has…” I did call bullsh*t with my eyes and judgmental eyebrows though. She didn’t say anything in response. She checked him for any blood (there was none), put him on his leash and walked away.

I feel that too often, (disclaimer: but NOT always), small to medium sized dogs are acquired as accessories. They are not accessories, or your babies, they are your responsibility and they can be a 12-15 year commitment. The common misconception is that because they are small, they are easily managed and are not in need of training. *False* The little suckers can do just as much damage as the big guys – pee on everything, bark incessantly and bite the faces of small children (the untrained ones anyway… we have some very well behaved little pups in our lives that do not demonstrate the bad behaviour I’ve listed above… wanna know why? Because they have responsible owners who have trained them).

(Speaking of… here is Patti the Pug with her little buddy Olivia)

Look how scary our boys are… if you are not careful they might lick you to death…

If I may, I’m going to get a little preachy here for a minute, since the burn of my extra-hot latte is still fresh on my skin… I feel like I have the license to do so; so, to all those dog owners who have selected a small-medium sized dog so that you and your boyfriend “Slade” or “Hunter” can play house for a couple of years until you get married and have kids, please train and socialize your dogs, for the sake of humanity… it is the right thing to do.

On a side note, I beg of you, please don’t make the same mistakes that you have made with your pets, with your children. Do not let their nanny shelter them. Make sure she takes them to the park and lets them play in the dirt with the other kids. Let her introduce them to television and McDonalds so they have something in common with the other kids at school. Don’t freak out if they lick a shopping cart handle at Costco. Do not ask them which biscotti they would prefer at age 3, they don’t know (I have witnessed this… the kid got overwhelmed when his mother asked him to use his words… he proceeded to throw his glass bottle of milk at the ground and it shattered… she was embarrassed and I was proud of him) and finally, when you go to the children’s section of the bookstore, don’t tell the salesperson who has offered to help you find a book that your 2-year old is advanced – that isn’t really a thing and it makes you look like a dick. Life very rarely gives us second chances, this is yours. You have failed your dogs (and by extension other dog owners like me), don’t fail your children too – give ’em the chance of survival in a world that is not designed to cater to their every need. I think you owe the rest of us at least that much.

Stay great!