Have you ever lost one or more of your children at the zoo? The problem with having multiple children, other than the obvious toll they take on one’s body, sleep schedule and nice things, is that there is a strong possibility you will experience a situation where you are outnumbered by children. There are strategies you can employ, like rewarding good behavior or bribing them pre-emptively to ensure the desired result, but guess what, sometimes none of those parenting approaches work. Sometimes you naively take your four year old at their word. Words that mean nothing when a more exciting proposition presents itself. I have learned this from experience.

I’ve also recently learned that Olivia and Declan can tell the difference between a good playground and a great playground. The playground across the street from our house is good. The small playground at the zoo with the cross-eyed raccoon is good. The big playground at the zoo with the snake slide and the large climbing structures that are not easily navigable by parents is great. Here’s the thing though, if I am on my own with them at the zoo I am not up for taking them to the big park on account of the following variables: Olivia and Declan are of a similar age, size and speed and the park has too vast a footprint for one person to provide effective oversight given the previously noted variables. I can say that regardless of their pleas, tears and pouty faces I am very good at holding my position firmly. Usually.

“Mom if you take us to the large park I won’t run, I will stay close to you. Ok?” Olivia made her case.

Declan nodded in agreement and said, “yeah, mom.” I thought about it, briefly. I figured if Olivia was true to her word and stayed close by if Declan made a break for it I would be well positioned to manage the scenario to a positive conclusion.

Reluctantly, and against my better judgment, I responded with, “Ok, let’s go to the big park.”

When we got to the entrance I let go of both of their hands at the same time. It turns out that the children had lied. Olivia bolted the moment she was free of my grip and Declan did the same only he chose the opposite direction. I was on the brink of losing the two children I brought to the zoo, and ideally I wanted to leave the zoo with the same two children. It was a classic pickle of a situation.

I stood there resisting the urge to panic, assessing the situation as I always do – what is the worst thing that can happen? In the time it took me to ask myself the question I had already thought of so many bad things that could happen, none of which I could live with. I had to find the kids as quickly as possible.

On a positive note, while the playground was large, it was contained. I knew that from my vantage point no one could get either child out of there without going through me first. I took a deep breath and surveyed the park. As I glanced over to the right of the entrance I noticed Olivia’s little legs climbing the play structure shaped like a snake. I decided to start with her. I couldn’t see Declan anymore.

I walked over to Olivia slowly and without making eye contact in an effort not to spook her. In that moment I did the thing that made the most sense to me, I lied to her. “Hey, Olivia, we’re playing hide-and-seek! Declan is hiding, let’s go find him!” I was convincing, Meryl Streep convincing.

“Ok, mom, let’s do it!” she replied with excitement.

We started calling out his name, “Declan, where are you?” Olivia shouted.

On the third or fourth call he replied, “Mom!” his little voice muffled by distance and one of the many play structures.

Thank God, he was no longer lost and I was no longer a bad parent. And so began the high stakes game of Marco Polo.

The last time I found myself in the middle of a game of Marco Polo was on a warm summer’s evening in 2015 at Walmart. Heath and I had stopped in on our way home to pick up some formula for Olivia. As we walked into the store I heard someone call ‘Marco’ which was immediately followed by ‘Polo’.

“Are people playing Marco Polo in a Walmart?” I asked Heath.

“Does that surprise you?” He replied.

It actually did surprise me given the Walmart near our house is staffed with sticklers, real rule followers. Heath had popped in to pick up a couple of things after he finished up at the gym one morning. He happened to get in the door at 6:57am, the store opens at 7:00am. Heath had almost made to the diaper aisle when he heard an out of breath man exclaim, “Sir, excuse me, sir, we aren’t open, you have to go back to the front of the store. You can’t be in here right now.”

At this point it was 6:58 on the brink of 6:59am.

“But by the time I get back to the door it will be 7:00 and you’ll be open.” Heath replied.

“I don’t care. Those are the rules.” He exclaimed. Heath walked back to the front of the store just in time for the grand opening, the clock struck 7:00am and he was suddenly welcome in the store.

When we crossed paths with a woman who shouted Marco. I said, “Hey, can we get in on this?”

“We don’t have any room in this game.” She replied, seriously. This was the first time I had heard of a cap on the number of players admitted to a game of Marco Polo. I took it personally when truth be told, I didn’t really want to play back then, in the same way I didn’t want to play the game with Declan now.

I called his name again, “Declan.”

“Mom!” he replied.

I could now see his little legs dangling as he was struggling to pull himself up on a platform inside one of the play structures. Keep in mind he was in no danger of falling, it was a relatively low platform and it was enclosed with rope netting. One thing I forgot to mention is he had recently broken his collar bone, so he didn’t have the strength to pull himself up or to get back down. He was stuck. I noticed two parents sitting outside of the structure, watching me climb inside to help Declan. The eye contact was strong and I immediately connected with their thoughts, they didn’t have to say a word. This sudden feeling of inadequacy and needing to explain the situation hit me hard. A need to assure these strangers that I had not been a digitally distracted, or neglectful mother, I was simply outnumbered by children. It could happen to anyone. And then my mind went to a different place – Declan had to have been stuck there for at least a couple of minutes, calling for me, why hadn’t they helped him? Had it been their kid stuck on a piece of play equipment I would have stepped in to help him without question.

I picked Declan up in one arm and grabbed Olivia’s hand in my other hand. We were done at the big park earlier than either of them had anticipated. They were not happy about the situation. Olivia was crying, loudly. Declan joined in. Once I got them in the stroller I noticed four parents looking up at me from their phones. And that was the straw. The final one. “Out of curiousity are you relating to me or are you judging me right now?!” I exclaimed. Both a question and a statement at the same time. They stared at me. A woman on the brink of something. Without saying a word they immediately looked back down at their phones. “Yeah, that’s what I thought.” I huffed as I pushed the stroller away from the playground.

We started the long walk back to the car. I was silent. The kids were still crying. How do children have so much capacity for tears, I wondered. It is endless until it ends and then they act like nothing happened.

When we got to the car I buckled Olivia and Declan into their seats. I struggled to fold up the stroller – like really struggled. There was a car with its blinker on that honked at me because the woman wanted my spot and thought maybe I should hurry up. I didn’t give her the finger because it is 2020 and I don’t think we do that anymore. Instead I raised my hands in surrender, but also as if to say ‘are you kidding me right now, lady? I lost a couple of kids today. I need a moment.’ She very quickly decided to park elsewhere. Once I got the stroller in the trunk I got into the driver’s side door and sat there. I put my seatbelt and sunglasses on and I sat there for a bit longer.

“Mom, everything ok?” Olivia asked.

“Yes” I replied, taking a deep breath, resisting the urge to cry. I turned on the radio to the first few notes of Queen’s ‘Under Pressure’ – how very Alanis Morrisette of the universe. Yes, many folks of my generation would wrongly identify the song as ‘Ice Ice Baby’ based on the first seven notes, but I knew better.

Both Olivia and Declan would later recount the fun we had at the zoo when Heath got home. Neither mentioned being lost or being disappointed, “We had a great adventure, Dad. Mom is the best. We played hide and seek in the big park at the zoo with Declan and we found him.”

“It was more like Marco Polo” I said as Heath looked at me. “I’m never playing it again, by the way, unless I can be Polo.” Polo has far less responsibility.

Stay great!

Kate